On Self-Care Resilience, & Mental Wellness Amidst Crises
From the Desk of Sonja N. Robinson, Ph.D.
Click ‘play’ to watch the full replay of the forum now. Best viewed in 1080p.
On Wednesday, April 1, 2020, the Black Women in Sport Foundation held a Next Steps Virtual Forum entitled, Self Care, Resilience, & Mental Wellness During #COVID19. The event featured mental health practitioners, Dr. Akua Boateng, Dr. Stephany Coakley, Dr. Margaret Ottley, and Dr. Vernice Richards. The conversation brought some solidarity around the feelings of anxiety, grief, uncertainty, and even hope in the midst of the COVID-19 global pandemic.
It was a great pleasure to serve as the moderator for this session, especially because I have found myself reeling from an onslaught of varied feelings during this time of global crisis. The panelists encouraged grace while naming (and experiencing) feelings, recommended centering ourselves around our spiritual foundations, and offered this time as an opportunity to find some comfort in the solidarity of knowing that you are not alone. You are not alone in the uncertainty, in the constant cycle through the stages of grief, in the anger at the intrusion and violation of our peace and comfort, or in the bewilderment of an ever-changing yet always-alarming news feed.
Recognizing that we as women (and black women in particular) often take on the role of caretakers for others, consider this permission -- an imperative, even -- to lift self-care higher on the list of to-dos. Make yourself, your thoughts, feelings, health, and mindset, a priority in a way that you have never done before. Sometimes, there is no way to go around a situation, and the only way to get to the end of the experience is through. First, acknowledge that we are going together (so bring someone into the journey with you) and then, forgive yourself ahead of time for the water/sustenance/soul-refreshing breaks you will take along the way.
The conversation was so rich and full of shared wisdom that I cannot do it justice with a few words or the brief tidbits shared below. Please watch the replay and let us know what challenges, resonates, and encourages you as well!
Anxiety
“I’m going to feel the anxiety within me, but then I’m going to create an action. I’m going to call someone. I’m going to FaceTime the person that I might be worried about.” -- Dr. Boateng
“The strategies that I find myself attending to really look like naming what it is that I’m going through, recognizing the significance of it. I am not unique in that - the world is experiencing it with me, there’s a solidarity, there’s a commonness to it, and so I am not alone.” -- Dr. Boateng
Loss/Grief
“Right now we might be feeling senses of grief on many different levels... We have to remember that we’re all grieving those elements of ourselves that we may not have had to interact with or really were not consciously aware of at that time.”
Expectations have changed in the blink of an eye - plans we had for next week or next month have been summarily cancelled without our ability to create a contingency plan. Athletes who have prepared for championship tournaments and full spring seasons have found themselves at home, removed from their teammates, coaches and support systems that previously took up so much space and time in their lives. In addition, the loss of financial stability, the loss of physical social connections, and the devastating loss of life add layers of weight onto our psyches. No one can tell you how long you need to grieve, it is a highly personal endeavor. We just have to make the commitment to pause, allow ourselves the time and space to deal with the loss, and then, when ready - move toward an action.
“Listen. Open up yourself in this time. We are one of the most resilient creatures that you will ever find, and we do not realize that until we descend into adversity. Resilience is adversity with positive adaptation: the ability to adapt to your environment when the heat goes up, when situations do not seem as they should be, when I am not exactly sure how to move forward. It’s in these moments that we find the best of ourselves. We also find that there are the places within ourselves that we need to clean up… Some of the sadness that you might feel,’ -- Dr. Boateng
“It’s okay to grieve all of the things that have happened to you, that have happened to your family, because of this pandemic. It’s okay to give yourself time to do that. It’s okay to name that emotion, express that emotion. Not to feel like we have to be in the space of ‘Superwomen’ -- that we have to take care of everyone and operate in a way that is not unique to our humanity. But to really begin to listen to what’s within you about what you should do next.” Oftentimes, these moments of adversity really give us the opportunity to see what we’re made of. We might come out of this space with something that we never realized that we needed… How do I get quiet and clear about what needs to happen next. And you find within yourself in this time of adversity things that you never knew were there.” -- Dr. Boateng
“Celebrate your loved ones… acknowledge it and allow yourself to see the significance of it. Once you are here and still going, they live within you, so take comfort inside of your loss and know that you are not alone - we all have gone through this from time to time. Take it day by day and focus on the beauty and the strength that’s within you.” -- Dr. Ottley
“Grief is not an isolated event. It’s not only the loss of the job, or the loss of the loved one, but it’s also something that is consistent. It’s a consistent emotional feeling, or an attachment to something that is broken at that time. Right now we might be feeling senses of grief on many different levels... We have to remember that we’re all grieving those elements of ourselves that we may not have had to interact with or really were not consciously aware of at that time.” -- Dr. Richards
“[Isolation is] as an opportunity to have some self-reflection.”
Isolation
“I think of it as an opportunity to have some self-reflection.” -- Dr. Ottley
“Even though we’ve focused on being apart, it’s amazing at how connected we really all are in this process… We are all in this together, even though we may not be able to see each other physically… It is normal to feel a little bit separate, but recognizing the different creative ways that you can build those connectivities… You can still connect with people on levels that you probably would not have been able to [before].” -- Dr. Richards
Powerlessness
“There is a great sense of powerlessness that this brings. That some of the things going on, we really cannot control them. And so it is really hard for us to experience this level of powerlessness, even if it is together, even if it is global. It is one of the most challenging things for a human person to experience and to navigate. However, as we accept that, there are things we can control in this moment.” -- Dr. Boateng
“One day at a time. That’s one of my life hacks right now… Narrow the gap until it feels comfortable for you.... Make it make sense and make some small victories every day.” -- Dr. Coakley
Resilience
When I think about resilience, I am reminded of the adage that says, “Courage is not being unafraid, it is being afraid and moving forward anyway.” The ability to get back up after continuous challenges and shifts is a skill that is easier said than done, but it is a practice because the more you do it, the easier it becomes to call up -- to make use of.
“Every day I must laugh… I can’t let go of the things that make me my best.” -- Dr. Coakley
“Every day I must laugh… I can’t let go of the things that make me my best.”
As athletes and performers, we have a history of channelling stressors. Continuous practices of game-time situations intend to make us familiar with the potential “curve balls” that may come our way during a competition. In that manner we are practicing our resilience -- our ability to withstand the impact of a stressor, manage it, compartmentalize, and redirect energy, all in a manner where we can continue to perform successfully. During a crisis like this one, the stressors are unique in that, unlike the preparation for a 100 meter race or 10 minute quarter, the heightened anxiety is extended… and we don’t know how long it will last.
“There is a lot of anxiety… It’s akin to a competitive environment. The exception is that it is for an extended period of time, and recognizing how we’re managing our strengths, how we are compartmentalizing our abilities to deal with stress -- our resilience, if you want to put it that way -- and how we are dealing with that stress, that worry, that anxiety throughout an extended period of time when we’re used to being trained for a 45 minute stint, or a one or two or three day tournament or competition.” -- Dr. Richards
“Strengthen your strengths. The weaknesses are going to follow if you strengthen your strengths.” -- Dr. Ottley
“The difference between being positive and optimistic is time. Being positive is what’s good in my life right now: gratitude. Being optimistic is believing that good things will happen in the future, looking forward to that…”
Hope
“Being able to take advantage of this moment, seeing it as an opportunity to do something differently. But something differently that our future self -- whenever we get out of this, because we will [get out of this] -- that our future self will really appreciate us for taking the time to do.” -- Dr. Coakley
“Live life with a mission… We are powerful beyond measure and whatever you are doing out there, do it big and large. Shrinking has no place in our mission. Live life with a purpose. Whatever you are doing, every day, even though you are not going out and doing it, dream about it right now. Because we are going to survive. Life is going to give us what we want, but we have to be powerful and we have to put meaning to what our desires are. Have courage, and be bold and brave. You are not alone.” -- Dr. Ottley
“The difference between being positive and optimistic is time. Being positive is what’s good in my life right now: gratitude. Being optimistic is believing that good things will happen in the future, looking forward to that… Optimism is a scientific thing that actually changes the way your brain works so that you are able to go out and do those things, you are able to go out and be those things that you have set those goals for. So it’s not only about being positive in that moment, but also being optimistic and being able to look forward to what’s next.” -- Dr. Richards
Gratitude, Grace & Forgiveness
“To get up in the morning and to be grateful for the things that I have in this present moment, all while holding this duality of the future being really uncertain. Can I do that? Yes, I can. We all have the capacity to do that.” -- Dr. Boateng
“First of all, I think naming is important… This is what’s happening. It’s something completely unique. We’ve never done this before. And to be gracious with yourself is number one… You don’t have a playbook for this. There’s no manual. You’ve never been here before. How do we literally take each moment at the time.” -- Dr. Boateng
“To get up in the morning and to be grateful for the things that I have in this present moment, all while holding this duality of the future being really uncertain. Can I do that? Yes, I can. We all have the capacity to do that.”
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Sonja N. Robinson, Ph.D., is an Associate Consultant with 122 Consulting Group. Dr. Robinson is an expert in diversity, equity and inclusion strategy, executive coaching, and organizational culture development. You can follow her on Twitter @TheDoctorSN.